


Short Story Long

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Series: Tales from the Yellow Yard [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Conversation, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Pesterlog, Silly, Worldbuilding, cotton candy bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davesprite and Jade talk about everything and nothing, one week into the journey along the yellow yard.  Loose sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/461663">Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included)</a>, though I don't think you need to read that story for this one to make sense.  Hints of Davesprite/Jade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Short Story Long

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for [Cotton Candy Bingo](http://cottoncandy-bingo.dreamwidth.org/1660.html) in response to the prompt: _miniatures_.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

TG: yo jade sup  
TG: where are you  
TG: come save me from your slime twin hes trying to fucking pet me  
TG: again  
TG: and by again i mean for the 5 billionth time today  
TG: yes literally no i dont know how thats possible either  
TG: time how does it even work  
TG: also i am not a toy  
TG: the wings are a hands free zone yes even the one thats not broken yes egbert that means you  
TG: super special super secret  
TG: jade the fact that im still pestering you means hes not listening  
TG: i cant even abscond the assholes playing tricks with the air  
TG: keeps like  
TG: yanking it out from under me or something i dunno  
TG: sprites how do we even work  
TG: not like i actually use the wings to fly so why him fucking with the air pressure around them screws my awesome air dance party makes no sense  
TG: but apparently thats what happens  
TG: come on jade come be the wind beneath my wings  
TG: beneath my mighty feathered pinions more like  
TG: straining as they cup and beat the air to no avail  
TG: and glow sunstreaked gold and saffron as with an inner light oh no wait thats literally true they are actually bioluminescent  
TG: assuming i still count as bio  
TG: but just feast your eyes on those adjectives  
TG: are they purple enough for you to take pity on me  
TG: ...  
TG: jade  
TG: jade jade jade jade jade  
TG: youre not afk come on rescue me i promise ill swoon into your arms and all that bullshit  
TG: ...  
TG: fine  
TG: guess i cant compete with the mysteries of green whooshy hyperspace shenanigans  
TG: fourth walls how do they even work  
TG: i have got to stop using that phrase  
TG: i dont even remember where i picked it up might have cooties for all i know  
TG: or rabies watch out pretty soon ill be foaming at the mouth grrr argh brains nom nom nom  
TG: ...  
TG: you know what screw this  
TG: ill just write on his face and abscond while he flips out  
TG: he wants the sensuous caress of orange against his skin  
TG: he gets it  
TG: magic sprite powers DEPLOY  
TG: ...  
TG: ha  
TG: victory is mine  
TG: i gotta say john looks pretty fly with a stache imnsho  
TG: just saying  
TG: i wonder if youd rock a moustache too  
TG: the ears are surprisingly cute so why not go for the gold  
TG: hair all over  
TG: live that fursona  
TG: man what am i saying  
TG: this is pathetic keep on ignoring me its a great life choice  
TG: id ignore me if i could  
TG: no sense wasting time on leftover junk from a failed timeline   
GG: omg DAVESPRITE!!!  
GG: chill out!  
GG: i wasnt ignoring you on purpose, i just got a little distracted when the frogs stampeded   
TG: ...  
TG: the frogs stampeded  
TG: ok  
TG: im just gonna leave that sitting there for a minute   
GG: the frogs stampeded!  
GG: there now it has company :)   
TG: third times the charm yet somehow i remain unenlightened  
TG: refund plz   
GG: ok ok  
GG: if you give me more than 30 seconds to type i will explain  
GG: sheesh, so impatient!   
TG: i resent that im the soul of impeccable timing  
TG: cant be impatient when everything i do always falls at exactly the right moment  
TG: its a gift   
GG: nyaaaah! :p  
GG: this is me sticking out my tongue and making stupid faces at you  
GG: now shut up or maybe i WILL start ignoring you   
TG: shutting up now   
GG: good boy :)  
GG: so about the frogs  
GG: i got bored of watching you and john play your weird glitchy skateboard dorito game, so i zapped myself to lofaf  
GG: we didnt really look around when we had our picnic last week  
GG: for obvious reasons :(  
GG: but i wanted to check on the frog breeding equipment and see if i could figure out what happened to bilious slick jr when i got blown up  
GG: wow, youre being really quiet!  
GG: did john try for a revenge prank already?   
TG: ...   
GG: ...  
GG: i didnt mean shut up forever, you dumbass  
GG: i wouldnt actually ignore you  
GG: youre my friend!   
TG: whatever   
GG: you are!!!!!!  
GG: daves my friend and so are you! i like you both and i dont think either of you is more real than the other  
GG: everything weve shared up until sburb belongs to both of you, nobody can take that away  
GG: and!  
GG: youre the one who came back in time to save me!  
GG: youre also the one who got the royal derringer, talked sprite me out of my breakdown, and waited with me on the battlefield so neither of us would have to die alone  
GG: that means a lot!  
GG: so stop thinking i dont care, mister coolsprite   
TG: welp  
TG: jade harley has spoken   
GG: damn right i have!   
TG: guess thats the way it is then   
GG: :DDD  
GG: it is most definitely the way things are  
GG: and i will keep telling you so until you believe me <3  
GG: now back to the frogs!   
TG: which stampeded   
GG: yes but that part comes later, so shoosh and let me tell the story  
GG: so i was trying to find bs jr, aka our universe frog, or at least the magic 8 ball i was keeping him in  
GG: (or her! i still cant tell frog sexes apart plus i think they can change from one to the other sometimes?)  
GG: i couldnt tell for sure because the appearifier was broken   
TG: hang on didnt you have other  
TG: no wait dumb question  
TG: its all the same machine just looped thats the only way you and alpha dave couldve managed the quest in less than a day   
GG: yes  
GG: we probably couldve deployed new machines for each lab level and timeloop but it was easier to keep using the same ones so we didnt have to reprogram all the coordinates and genomes every loop  
GG: and now all the data is gone :(   
TG: at least you finished the quest thats something right   
GG: i guess so, but without bs jr it feels like dave and i did all that work for nothing  
GG: D:   
TG: yeah  
TG: well  
TG: what about the god frog   
GG: i have a theory!  
GG: i cant prove it because like i said the appearifier is broken  
GG: and obviously i was a little too busy dying to watch what happened at the time  
GG: but i felt around with my awesome witchy powers, and...  
GG: ...........  
GG: ....................  
GG: ...........................   
TG: jesus   
GG: ........................   
TG: jade   
GG: ................   
TG: the joke is old   
GG: ............................   
TG: the joke is long past its sell by date   
GG: .......................................   
TG: the joke is expired  
TG: it is an ex joke   
GG: ....................   
TG: argh will you just tell me already  
TG: im impatient ok i admit it just   
GG: ................................................................   
TG: get  
TG: to  
TG: the  
TG: point   
GG: no problem davesprite :)  
GG: the point is  
GG: that i am pretty sure bs jr fell into the volcano!   
TG: thats bad right   
GG: very bad!  
GG: unless you have a time traveler around  
GG: and/or an appearifier that isnt locked to the present and also isnt broken   
TG: gotcha  
TG: so basically were stuck on that front until we reach the new session  
TG: just like every other front   
GG: pretty much :/  
GG: no quests for us  
GG: none of them   
TG: damn and i was looking forward to being hella cryptic all up in this joint while you and john stumbled around like chumps   
GG: awww  
GG: maybe in three years!   
TG: its a date   
GG: :DDD   
TG: but frogs  
TG: i was promised frogs  
TG: stampeding ones  
TG: not crispy fried ones   
GG: poor fried bs jr :(  
GG: someday we will save him from his fiery doom!  
GG: hmm  
GG: now i wonder what fried frogs taste like...?   
TG: chicken  
TG: duh  
TG: cmon harley get with the program everybody and their dog knows all weird ass food tastes like chicken  
TG: its an fda requirement   
GG: oh really?  
GG: but remember im probably not an american citizen  
GG: the fda has no jurisdiction over my island  
GG: and definitely not over lofaf!   
TG: how dare you doubt the power and reach of the fda young lady for shame  
TG: next thing you know youll be saying you dont recognize the power of cool   
GG: :O  
GG: never!  
GG: also you are sidetracking me again, mister!  
GG: for someone demanding a story you are very bad at letting me tell it   
TG: oh shit shes on to me  
TG: abort abort abort   
GG: lol :)  
GG: ANYWAY  
GG: there i was on the roof with a broken appearifier, a broken ecto-cloning machine, and a whole lot of frog corpses  
GG: and i mean a LOT of dead frogs   
TG: frogpocalypse   
GG: total frogpocalypse  
GG: slime and pieces everywhere :(  
GG: i didnt want to leave the poor frogs there all bloody and dismembered   
TG: jade harley, chief mourner of the croaking tribe   
GG: :p  
GG: a little, sure, but mostly i just wanted a clean roof!  
GG: so i shoved all the frogs into my sylladex and flew down to find a good place to bury them  
GG: or dump them in a lake, whichever   
TG: shouldve zapped over to lohac and given them to the nakkodiles  
TG: those dudes are always looking for weird shit to dump into stewpots  
TG: bet you could make a mint selling frog legs   
GG: hmm!  
GG: or mushrooms from lowas, maybe  
GG: the salamanders never seem to run out of those  
GG: do roses turtles grow anything, do you know?   
TG: they used to in the other timeline  
TG: these sort of rainbow fruit things  
TG: never did figure out how the trees grew in all that sand   
GG: it is a mystery! like everything else about sburb  
GG: hopefully there are enough mysteries to keep us from going nuts in the next three years   
TG: what do you mean going nuts  
TG: arent you already there   
GG: D:  
GG: DDDDDDDDD:   
TG: shit  
TG: sorry   
GG: ...  
GG: gotcha! hahahaha!!!  
GG: and you are distracting me AGAIN   
TG: yeah  
TG: well  
TG: youre not trying very hard to stop me   
GG: i guess i havent been, have i?  
GG: obviously we need to practice this story telling and story listening thing  
GG: who knows, the fate of the universe might someday depend on our efficiency at conveying information without constant digressions!   
TG: nah  
TG: never happen   
GG: lol :D  
GG: where was i?   
TG: frogs in sylladex flying down in search of a landfill   
GG: right, thanks!  
GG: long story short, i didnt find a good place to bury the frogs because everywhere i looked there were already a million frogs!  
GG: and it seemed a little weird to be all  
GG: hi there frog ladies and frog gentlemen  
GG: let me introduce you to your brutally murdered friends and neighbors  
GG: which is a very silly thing to worry about, i know, since its not like the frogs are sentient enough to know let alone to care  
GG: and besides death is a natural part of life  
GG: but i guess im still a little  
GG: um  
GG: you know  
GG: after everything  
GG: i think rose would say im projecting or displacing in a transparently obvious and yet quite understandable effort to soften the impact of deep emotional trauma on various interconnected levels  
GG: or something like that   
TG: throw in a nod to repression and latent homosocial bonding and id say youve got an a plus spot on impression   
GG: ha  
GG: yeah  
GG: i miss rose already  
GG: i always thought that when we got into the medium and played sburb, it would be the most awesome and wonderful adventure and id finally get to meet all of my best friends  
GG: i was looking forward to that so much  
GG: i DID meet john and you and dave  
GG: and it certainly was an adventure!  
GG: but awesome and wonderful are not the words id pick to describe what happened  
GG: and i never did get to meet rose in person  
GG: i saw her through my junior compusooth spectagoggles, but that hardly counts, id seen her the same way in skaias clouds lots of times before  
GG: i wanted to give her a hug and see if she was ticklish and i could make her laugh  
GG: :(   
TG: shes ticklish  
TG: but dont try it  
TG: her vengeance is swift and terrible   
GG: ha, i bet!  
GG: but see, thats the kind of thing i wanted to learn for myself  
GG: like how john forgets to put on his glasses when he gets up and kind of wobbles back and forth on his way to the shower in the morning  
GG: or how you and dave lurk in corners and mumble to yourselves  
GG: stuff you actually have to live with a person to know   
TG: like your complete inability to comprehend the use of the utensil commonly known as a fork   
GG: i comprehend just fine!  
GG: i dont see the point of them, is all  
GG: a knife cuts things, a spoon picks up liquids, those make sense  
GG: but all a fork does is imitate the grasping ability of fingers  
GG: badly  
GG: because it cant actually grasp and has to stab things instead  
GG: even chopsticks make more sense than forks!   
TG: how do you not see the point of forks  
TG: seriously the point is right there  
TG: three or four of them in fact  
TG: being all pointy and shit   
GG: :p  
GG: yes yes i know  
GG: and john says the point is so you dont get food all over your fingers  
GG: but really, isnt THAT the point of a napkin???   
TG: utensils how do they even work  
TG: oh fuckdammit  
TG: i keep using that phrase  
TG: its totally a meme i recognize that brain virus power when i see it  
TG: but its not one of my memes  
TG: i reject all immigrant memes they steal jobs from my own words  
TG: leave them begging on the streets  
TG: hey mister hey mister can you gimme a paragraph  
TG: just one sentence even ill make it worth your time i swear dress your voice up so fancy theyll think youre the king of france  
TG: but its all  
TG: nope  
TG: sorry  
TG: this space already taken  
TG: poor homeless memes dying starving in the rain  
TG: i wont be party to meme disenfranchisement jade  
TG: hit me with your magic newspaper if i use that interloper again   
GG: lol! :)  
GG: you are so weird  
GG: but in a good way  
GG: and yes, i promise ill smack your nose if you use that meme again   
TG: awesome  
TG: i knew i could count on you   
GG: thats what friends are for!   
TG: we are unquestionably the best at friendship   
GG: it is us :D  
GG: and also the best at tangents, wow, how did we get so far off track?   
TG: scrolling up i have to say i think this one was all on you   
GG: hmm  
GG: im the one who brought up rose, thats true  
GG: shed probably say were rambling as an avoidance technique  
GG: except i dont think theres anything to avoid in a story about stampeding frogs  
GG: honestly who wouldnt want to hear about stampeding frogs?   
TG: nobody i want to know   
GG: exactly!  
GG: so why do we keep going off on tangents?   
TG: beats me  
TG: but  
TG: you know what  
TG: this right here  
TG: come in close ill whisper a secret in your ear   
GG: ok tell me!   
TG: this  
TG: is  
TG: a  
TG: tangent   
GG: omg  
GG: youre right  
GG: it is!  
GG: look how sneakily it snuck up on us!  
GG: wow you are such a genius, how did you notice its tracks before it pounced?   
TG: hey now no need to break out the sarcasm   
GG: :D  
GG: youre just really easy to talk to, you know?  
GG: it reminds me of how we used to kill time before sburb, talking about stupid stuff for hours  
GG: maybe thats all this is  
GG: trying to get that back   
TG: maybe  
TG: but anyway frogs  
TG: talk to me about frogs  
TG: make sweet digital love to my eyes with extensive narration on the topic of frogs   
GG: ok  
GG: so i was having trouble figuring out where to put the dead frog puree  
GG: when i remembered that hey, im the witch of space  
GG: awesome green zappy space powers are now a handy dandy way to take a third option when presented with previously insurmountable obstacles!  
GG: so i hollowed out a place underground, zapped the frogs into it, and then i just had a bunch of dirt to deal with instead of a bunch of frog corpses   
TG: k makes sense  
TG: still not seeing how this leads to mass frog hysteria though  
TG: did you drop the dirt and make them think oh shit earthquake   
GG: no i did not drop the dirt!  
GG: ok yes i did  
GG: but i dropped it into the volcano so its not like anyone noticed  
GG: but see, using my awesome spacey powers got me thinking   
TG: awesome spacey powers  
TG: yeah  
TG: ok   
GG: lol  
GG: AWESOME SPACEY POWERS!!!  
GG: why is johns power the only one that doesnt sound completely stupid in that form?  
GG: windy thing is silly but not as silly as spacey thing  
GG: let alone timey thing  
GG: or...  
GG: what would we call roses powers?  
GG: lighty thing? shiny thing? glowy thing?   
TG: sparkly thing   
GG: sparkly thing! yes, perfect!  
GG: silly sparkly seer stuff :DDD  
GG: but anyway!  
GG: using my awesome spacey powers reminded me that even though ive had them for a week now ive just been using them by instinct  
GG: and some leftover knowledge from bec and sprite me  
GG: instead of taking the time to experiment and set rigorous scientific boundaries on what i can and cant do  
GG: so i decided to fool around a little and get some idea for what i need to research   
TG: sounds legit  
TG: hey  
TG: will you need a lab assistant for this project dr harley   
GG: why, are you volunteering mister strider?  
GG: what are your qualifications for the position?   
TG: one eidetic sprite memory  
TG: two ability to write notes on any surface  
TG: three i bring my own soundtrack for long voyage of discovery montages   
GG: hmm  
GG: i dont know, tell me more   
TG: four i look damn sexy in a labcoat   
GG: sold!  
GG: ;)   
TG: sweet   
GG: but back to the saga of the stampeding frogs!  
GG: long story short   
TG: you call this short   
GG: LONG STORY SHORT!!! D:<  
GG: i figured that if i can shrink other things, like planets and everything on them  
GG: and if i can adjust my own size so its correct relative to those shrunken planets  
GG: which obviously i can since its how ive been getting us to and from our lands  
GG: theres no reason i shouldnt be able to shrink myself relative to some other object   
TG: except for the whole thing where subatomic particles are already as small as they can physically get so your powers make no sense from the word go  
TG: yes i do remember your lectures on nuclear physics so sue me  
TG: but sure why not  
TG: shrink all the things   
GG: im annoyed about the part where i break physics too, and im going to solve it sooner or later!  
GG: but for the moment im waving my hands and calling it magic until i come up with some testable hypotheses  
GG: finding the rules and limits of my spacey thing will help me find the shape of the questions i need to ask  
GG: so, long story short..............   
TG: you shrank yourself   
GG: i shrank  
GG: davesprite!!!!  
GG: grrr, stop being a ninja speed typist!   
TG: im made of code i type with my brain  
TG: not my fault you cant keep up with my awesome spritely powers   
GG: maybe not now  
GG: but just wait, i will come up with a hands free computing system that works via brainwaves  
GG: i have the knowledge and the grist to do that!   
TG: never said you didnt  
TG: so there you were on lofaf  
TG: all pocket sized  
TG: surrounded by frogs  
TG: ...  
TG: jade  
TG: tell me you didnt   
GG: i totally did :D  
GG: who needs ponies when you can ride frogs!   
TG: im headdesking so hard right now you have no idea  
TG: literally headdesking  
TG: all the headdesks  
TG: all of them   
GG: liar, your room on the ship doesnt have a desk  
GG: ...  
GG: wait  
GG: davesprite  
GG: are you in my room?   
TG: so tell me harley  
TG: how do you ride a frog  
TG: did you make up tiny harnesses out of your rainbow memory bands  
TG: did you  
TG: gasp  
TG: ride them bareback  
TG: does the slime make it hard to keep your place  
TG: all slick against your thighs as you spread them and  
TG: wait   
GG: um...   
TG: wait no  
TG: that went to the wrong place  
TG: unread that jade  
TG: that never happened   
GG: typing at the speed of your brain has a downside, who knew!   
TG: who indeed   
GG: apparently we do now   
TG: yeah   
GG: um  
GG: so yeah, i rode one of the frogs  
GG: no, i did not make a harness  
GG: and yes, that meant it was hard to stay on  
GG: not so much because of the slime but because frogs are not built like horses  
GG: they are very wide  
GG: also they hop  
GG: so i had to lie down on its back and put my arms around its neck and hang on for dear life  
GG: but it was awesome!!!  
GG: until the frog panicked because it thought i was a predator trying to eat it or something  
GG: and then all the other frogs panicked  
GG: and they bolted for the lake because i guess its safer for frogs to be underwater   
TG: and thus we finally reach the point of the story   
GG: yep!  
GG: a stampede of frogs!  
GG: i didnt realize they were heading for the lake because my face was jammed against the frogs neck and i couldnt see over its head  
GG: so there i was, thinking wheeee, most fun ever!!!  
GG: and then splash, lake up my nose   
TG: bleh   
GG: if id known and had had a chance to take a deep breath i wouldnt have minded so much  
GG: even with water up my nose and my glasses knocked off it was still pretty cool  
GG: like swimming in a school of fish except instead of fish theyre frogs and also one frog is doing the swimming for you   
TG: huh  
TG: next time wear a camera  
TG: well do a series of nature specials  
TG: the wild flora and fauna of sburb   
GG: what makes you think theres going to be a next time?  
GG: maybe i have learned my lesson about riding frogs   
TG: of course theres going to be a next time  
TG: its an adventure its fun and its for science  
TG: trifecta of irresistibility   
GG: ok you win  
GG: there will be a next time!   
TG: cool for my prize i demand you take me too  
TG: in fact take me now  
TG: john just found me oh shit he brought jaspers  
TG: and catnip  
TG: that fucker   
GG: no problem, just tell me where you are!   
TG: your room  
TG: like you already knew  
TG: now come save me   
GG: its a date :D

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Short Story Long](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8265266) by [Hananobira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hananobira/pseuds/Hananobira), [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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